Am i enough yet?

Comb your hair, make your bed, shower, shave, start again.
Can we just pretend, we've already reached the end.
Learn to read, learn to write, learn to punctuate, learn to articulate, learn to hate.
Join a group, one that says, it's ok to persecute against the type you didn't like already.
Fill that hole with alcohol, till we all feel whole.
Can i ask, am i enough yet?

Reminisce about times before my time. Easy to nostalgia-ise through the safety of hindsight and film reels.

Join a group to feel complete. Join a group to feel part of something bigger. Fight for rights you're too stupid to know you already have. Historical reinact the civil rights movement without fear of reprisal because we're 50 years on and our society isn't progressive, it's  progressed. We went to the mountaintop and gone down the other side.

But it's never enough. While people starve and don't have proper drinking water in this world let's squabble over perceived privilege in our western society. Let's fight for the right to be perceived as oppressed and poor. Let's listen to celebrities whose singe paycheck will be more money than we'll ever see in our lifetimes complain about wage gaps and nod. Let's complain on twitter through high speed internet on our expensive smart phones how poor we are.

Have you had enough?
When will i be enough?
A constant work in progress, like this constant stream of consciousness.

To be continued, always to be continued.
When will it be enough?

On the Red Pill and "feminism"

The problem that i see with the most vocal modern day feminist groups is they say they want to free us from constructs... by implementing just another construct. And the new social construct ignores entirely the remnants of the patriarchal system that effect men. It just looks like patriarchy with a gender flip, matriarchy. It's no better or worse, same oppression with a different hat. I've seen women destroyed because they didn't conform.

There was a recent talk in Sydney entitled "How To Be A Feminist" where it blatantly said feminism is not about freedom and choice. It's now about towing the party line. In this way modern day feminism is about helping feminism, not helping women have more choices and opportunities as it should be.

I worry when to be a feminist who believes in true equality and liberation from social structures you have to add the descriptors "equity" and "choice" to your title. Even need to add "sex positive" to explain you don't believe depictions of sex and violence in narrative form lead to actual sexual violence. These seem to have become seperate descriptors when i think they should be core values.

Just to explain, not an MRA, but the issues this movie brings up concern me. Not just on a personal level. I've lost friends over the past few years due to their intolerance and outright close-mindedness. It's the reduction of people into stereotypes and the destruction of individual identity through placing them into groups. People defined by what group they belong to instead of on their individual merits, words and deeds. You have to worry when your gurus say it's permissive to hate a certain person based on their race/gender/sexual orientations etc. It's why i stay away from church nowadays. In some cases, not all obviously, feminism has become a religion. It exists to exist but not to find solutions to problems because if the problems are solved there's no need for the movement. This is why outrage culture exists, to perpetuate movements, unfortunately not to solve problems.

I just love that the documentarian instead of saying she knew all there was to know about "these people" based on the rhetoric of her peers and why look beyond that? She instead looks for herself. In this google everything age that's to be commended.

That's not what I need

You have no job no self esteem your relationship with your gf is in crisis you keep fucking up your housemates don't want anything to do with you you have no idea what you want to do with your life your hairs turning grey you're self conscious about your weight and for the umpteenmillionth time someone has said "why don't you just go up to the UK?" because it's what would happen in the movies.

Your parents give you money because that's how they solved your problems growing up. Your brother says Jesus will fill every gap in your life until you cease to exist but for Jesus. Not like you had a sense of identity to begin with right?

I need therapy. I need my ego stroked, not my cock. I need to be told that i am enough, the final definitive special edition director's cut. That i don't need to be tweaked, that my ideas are worth listening to and acting upon. That i'm desired and appreciated for what i do... not asked, "what else is there?"

My volunteer boss does this. My DnD mates do this. The people i want to be closest to i either can't reach or have pushed away. I am hollow with a fake carved grin. I am just so much Halloween decoration. I am the pumpkin after Cinderella's ball. I've served my purpose and should be discarded. Have my insides scooped out and be put on display as a testament to someone else's artistic vision.

I would feel more sorry for myself but i know the parts of me that are rotten. Everyone else just sees the smile. My one grace is that i don't shit myself about who i am, what i need, and what i've done. Let it be done. Let it be just fucking done already.